Dattebane !
by The Mad Hatter's Waifu
Summary: Reincarnation. OK, I can do that. Uzumaki red haired boy ? Right, I might do that. Kyubi Jinchuriki ? WAIT ! And what about Kushina ? Whaddya mean there's no Kushina, -ttebane ! … Oh. (SI-Male!Kushi)


_**H**_ _ello people ! I read a lot of Self-Inserts and I definitely wanted to try my own so… Here I am xD_

 _ **This story could contain spoilers. At some point, some characters will talk about the main events, you are warned !**_ _The prologue is short, because, uh, it's more an introduction than anything. I hope you will still enjoy it, heheh ~ Well, that's all !_

 _ **Edit** : Thanks to **Confused** who told me about my mistake, here is the right chapter ! I'm so sorry about it !_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **:**_ _Naruto is not mine, otherwise Kushina would totally have been brought back by Edo Tensei and escaped Kabuto's control and saved the world all by herself.  
_

 **x**

 **Chapter One** **: Prologue.**

 **x**

It was all dark.

I didn't know where I was, or what was going on around me. I am not even sure I was truly conscious. But I was relaxed. I could feel something warm surrounding me. From time to time, faint voices reached my ears, though the one that I heard the most was a joyful feminine one. It didn't take long for me to define it as _safe_ and _loving_.

I don't know how long I stayed in that state. But someday, everything changed. My surroundings started moving, I felt myself waving in the warmth I was stuck in… And then I heard screams. From that voice that I had come to love so much. Fear overwhelmed me, I wanted to cry and scream my lungs. I didn't know what to say, what to do, what to think. But I felt my fear and _her_ pain, it was a nightmare.

Until I saw the light. _Her_ screams stopped, replaced by my cries. I was still confused and afraid, I hated not knowing what was happening.

And then, I heard _her_ voice again.

It was nice and gentle. Even if I couldn't understand distinctly what she was saying, I knew that the worst was over. I began relaxing again, leaning into what I recognized as her warmth, and let her soothing voice reassure me, like she always did.

 _ **July, 10th x43**_

 **x**

Time passed. The voices I could hear were now stronger and more numerous. Sometimes, I would be able to catch faint blurs of colours, though the one I saw the most was one I recognized as _red_. Most of the time, there would be laughter and yells surrounding me. If, at first, I was confused or scared about it, it soon became _familiar_ to me, and I came to enjoy those sounds.

The figures I saw were becoming clearer, until I was able to give faces to the voices that I heard.

My favourite, the nice gentle one, was that of a beautiful woman with long straight red hair and indigo eyes. Her skin was pale, though she had a purple diamond seemingly tattooed on her forehead, and three whiskers-like marks adorned each of her cheeks. She was always smiling at me, while when confronted with other people she tended to get mad and yell at them. Whenever I saw her bullying them, I couldn't help giggling - and some part of my mind would berate me that _giggling_ was a big nonono for my dignity, but I would always brush it off.

My second favourite voice belonged to a tall man with shoulder-length dark red hair, fixed in a half ponytail. He had light green eyes, and a family resemblance with the woman. He would always make funny faces at me, laugh over nothing, and introduce me to strangers while hugging me.

 **x**

"Come on Kouen, bring Ku-chan to me, it's time for him to eat !"

"Nuh uh, he stays with Papa", the man grinned as he threw me in the air before catching me again. "No need to go to that witch, right ? We're fine just between men", he winked at me.

"Husband, you better bring your ass. Now."

"We 'coming, darling !"

I sniggered and let him take me before he stood up from the couch. This guy was utterly submissive to his wife, and I can admit, it made me laugh a lot. As soon as I spotted her, I extended my arms towards her and she gave me a warm smile.

"See ? He's hungry, you useless idiot."

"Now now, Kimiko-chan, we were having fun. Creating manly bonds and all", he closed his eyes and waved a hand in a dismissive way. "Not that you could understand."

While she glared at him, he reopened his eyes and tilted his head to the side.

"Though you _are_ pretty manly."

" _Kouen_ " , she started again, menacingly. Even _I_ could tell that he would better shut up, but…

"If I hadn't already checked, I'd _swear_ you're a travest- erh, I mean, hum, dattebarō, I love you !" he shrieked before running away through the window.

"Tcheh", Kimiko smirked while pressing her forehead against mine. "That's why you should be just like Mama, hum ?''

 **x**

Parents. For some reason, when I thought about this word, the red haired couple wasn't the only one to come to my mind. I would also picture two other people, though their figures were kind of fuzzy.

I knew I had other parents before. I knew that I could understand whatever was said to me, as if I had been taught that language before. And I knew there was a time _before_.

It took me a little while, but I finally realized it. This wasn't my first life. I had been reincarnated.

I had few memories of the person I used to be. For one, I died pretty young, around my twenties. I was extremely interested in literature. This language, Japanese, I had begun learning it during my high school days, and I kept on in university. I didn't remember my name, though. I wasn't even sure if I was a male back then.

I am pretty sure the red hair wasn't common back where I lived, but here, almost _everyone_ had it. I, for one, had short dark red hair, like Kouen, along with Kimiko's shade of indigo eyes. Some others did have different hair colours, it varied from white to blonde to blue. I even saw a green haired guy, once.

Everytime I went outside, I would see people walking in the street, laughing, screaming, and throwing things at each other. They could get extremely violent sometimes, but it seemed to be considered 'normal' here. The buildings weren't built up as _before_ , the clothes everyone wore were from a really different style too. Men were often seen in _yukata,_ or pants and _haori,_ some traditional japanese clothes, while women would wear skirts, dresses, _kimonos_ or pants in tissu. I used to wear jeans _exclusively_ , you talk about a change, huh.

When I was taken outside, most of the time, the one that I now considered as my dad would take me to a giant blue and white building. In the front was a large diamond shaped plate on which was written in red the kanji of " _ **Uzu**_ ". On the ground floor, there were lots a tables and benches where people would be sitting while chatting and drinking. There was also a bar where a woman with long red hair tied in twin low ponytails worked, serving her clients drinks and food – well, more often than not she would throw everything at them but that was a minor detail. Then, there was the first floor, and floors above. I didn't get what happened there yet, but it looked like people were attending there administration work.

When Dad went there, he would leave me in the bar with Hanako, the barmaid, or with some of his friends. It soon became a place I loved to go to, there was a great atmosphere, with everyone acting friendly – okay, they tended to hit and shout at each other more often than not, but I just knew it was their own way of expressing their affections. The sounds of tables breaking and walls exploding and yells of strange coloured haired people were a sweet symphony to my ears, and I could easily fall asleep in the middle of all that noise.

It just felt like _home_.

 **x**

"Now, now, Kushiki, one foot after the other."

"Daaa !"

"Don't _dada_ me, I swear you'll learn how to walk before that Shiro-teme's daughter, dattebarô !"

For some reason, the idiot in front of me, otherwise known as my father, thought that it would be a good idea to teach me how to walk. _On the water_. I don't know how he came up with that idea when I already had a hard time standing properly _on the ground_.

When one of my parents would take me outside of the house, I would see people doing magical things, like walking on the walls, eating fire, making animals appear from nowhere in a puff of smoke. Heck, when I tried to escape from my mom while she was cooking, she caught me using _chains_ coming out of her body. Once, she kept holding me in the air with her _braided hair_. So, the concept of water-walking wasn't especially surprising to me, but still. Instead of bathing me like my mommy had asked him to do, he was holding my tiny little hand and was explaining to me how to walk. _On the freaking water_.

"C'mon now, it's not that hard, you just concentrate on your feet and whooosh you walk !"

I blinked.

"You're not serious, are you ?"

"Dadaaa !" My angeeel !

Kimiko was now standing at the front door, her arms crossed on her chest. She was obviously trying to suppress a smile, but failing miserably at it.

"You do realize that he would need to know _chakra_ before being able to do anything of that kind ?" she asked. She came closer to us and kneeled next to my dad.

This word. Chakra. Part of me kept searching for its meaning since the first time I had heard it. I was fairly certain that it was important, that I wasn't allowed to overlook it, that I really had to _remember_ what it meant. But then, Dad sort of weakened his hold on my hand and I fell in the bathtub.

"What kind a moron do you think I am ?" , Kouen asked her while rolling his eyes. "I put a seal under his feet, we just need to practice for a bit."

And I hated that so much. It tickled ! Plus, I didn't get why he was putting paint on my feet when he was supposed to clean me. Duh.

"Why the water-walking, though ?"

Once again, Dad made me try to walk, but I splashed him with my free hand instead.

"I made a bet", he groaned. "I got drunk and that bastard of Shishiro made me bet that Ku-chan could do that before his daughter."

"His _six years old_ daughter", Mom recalled.

"Yeah."

"Against our _six months old_ little boy", she added.

"He's that kind of bastard."

"Daaaa !" Don't cuss in front of your baby !

"Hence the seals, huh ?"

Kimiko looked at me strangely. A weird fire was burning in her eyes, and honestly, it made me shiver. That wasn't even counting the devilish grin that was starting to show up on her face.

"You won't lose, right ? You'll show them what Uzumaki Kushiki is made of, right ? Mama will help too !"

"Da", I deadpanned. My family was insane.

That being said, if they weren't, they would be too boring anyway.

 **x**

 _ **S**_ _ooo, that's all for now. I know nothing happened yet but, as I said, this is just an introduction._ _I_ _intend on making Kushiki's first years advance quickly._

 _I'm sorry if I made a lot of mistakes, I'm not really used to speak in English ._. I hope it was still enjoyable (coughs), otherwise, I'm sorry ? (_ _a_ _)_

 _The picture of the story was made by myself, since I couldn't find any fanart corresponding to the image I have of my genderbended characters. I'm sorry for the poor quality x)_

 _Until next chapter ! ~_


End file.
